Am I Just Unlucky In Love?
Are you unlucky in love?
Does life keep dishing you up the bad stuff when other people get all the good stuff?
Do you keep ending up with the same sort of guys - the wrong ones?
Or maybe a friend told you you are just unlucky after your last relationship crashed and burned or your prince charming turned into a toad?
“It’s not your fault” she said, “You are just unlucky”
Is it true? Are you really unlucky? Will you stay unlucky forever or is there some sort of antidote?
Is there even such a thing as ‘unlucky in love’?
Is the athlete who keeps winning races lucky or is there something else going on? And how about your friend who seems to have the perfect marriage and the perfect job and the perfect body - is she just lucky too or is something else going on for her?
Can I Change My Luck?
The first way to change your luck is to change how you view luck and life. If you have been telling yourself and other people, that you are just unlucky in love and that is the reason you are not in an amazing relationship with an amazing partner then let me ask you one question.
How’s that story working out for you?
The chances are if you keep telling that same story, guess what will happen - it will keep coming true. What happens when we choose a story to tell about our lives is that we unconsciously find ways to support the story we are telling. Believing you are unlucky will cause you to behave in a way that does not look for ways to change the story, rather to support it.
We like to be right and if you are hiding behind a story about not being lucky in love, then our brain thinks it had better back it up with fresh evidence to make the story true. And so the cycle continues.
Richard Wiseman, a British psychology professor at the University of Hartfordshire, has been studying how luck plays a role in our lives. He wanted to understand how chance opportunities come about and their impact on people's lives. He began by examining the difference between self-professed lucky and unlucky people.
His research revealed that luck is not a magical ability or the result of random chance. Nor are people born lucky or unlucky. Instead, although lucky and unlucky people have almost no insight into the real causes of their good and bad luck, their thoughts and behavior are responsible for much of their success or otherwise.
His found that lucky people generate their own good fortune via four basic principles. These people:
- Are skilled at creating and noticing chance opportunities
- Make decisions by listening to their intuition
- Create self-fulfilling prophesies via positive expectations, and
- Adopt a resilient attitude that transforms bad luck into good
In the research about luck, personality tests revealed that unlucky people are generally more tense and anxious than lucky people, and research has shown that anxiety disrupts people’s ability to notice the unexpected.
In one experiment, people were asked to watch a moving dot in the centre of a computer screen. Without warning, large dots would occasionally be flashed at the edges of the screen. Nearly all participants noticed these large dots.
The experiment was then repeated with a second group of people, who were offered a large financial reward for accurately watching the centre dot. This time, people were far more anxious about the whole situation. They became very focused on the centre dot and over a third of them missed the large dots when they appeared on the screen.
The harder they looked, the less they saw. And so it is with luck.
Unlucky people miss chance opportunities because they are too focused on looking for something else.
They go to parties or dates intent on finding their perfect partner and so miss opportunities to just have fun and make good friends. They look through newspapers determined to find certain type of job advertisements and as a result miss other types of jobs.
He found that the lucky people are more relaxed and open, and therefore see what is there rather than just what they are looking for. But this is only part of the story when it comes to chance opportunities. Many of the lucky participants in the studies went to considerable lengths to introduce variety, challenge and change into their lives.
Before making an important decision, one lucky participant would constantly alter his route to work. Another person described a special technique that he had developed to force him to meet different types of people. that he might normally not approach.
So let’s bring that back to you. Does it still add up that you are unlucky in love or is there possibly more going on? Have you been telling yourself a story in the past but as you read this you realise it no longer serves you to hang onto that story?
Is the ‘unlucky in love’ story one that you are now ready to leave behind and start telling a new one? Why not make today the day that you draw a line in the sand and change your story. Make today the day that you decided that you are going to create your own luck and go after the life and the love you want and deserve.
Make today the day that you decide that nobody or nothing is going to stand in the way of you and your new luck - and if they do…they might not be so lucky!